#2. “Another telemarketer calling” – Ω
Prop: Familiarise yourself with where the hash (#) button/key is on your phone keypad.
TELEMARKETER: “Hi, is that Mrs. Koruna? Good evening, I am Rasheed from Aladdin Carpet Cleaning.”
ME: Interrupt early. “Excuse me, I already have a telemarketer on another line, can you hold please?”
Key: Without waiting for a response from the telemarketer, press the hash button for a second and then put the phone aside. They are sure to be gone when you check in 10 minutes, but if you are surprised to find them still there merely use the same phrase again.
#6. Belly-laugh – ΩΩ
Prop: A loud belly-laughing toy.
TELEMARKETER: “Hello, could I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Leone please”?
ME: “Yes, this is Mr. Leone.”
TELEMARKETER: “This is your lucky day, Mr. Leone. Our company is making a rare offer of—”
ME: “I’m sorry [muffled laugh], but I have to ask. Is that your real voice?” Then without waiting for their reply, play the toy endlessly into the phone’s earpiece until the telemarketer ditches the call in disgust.
#30. Home invasion – ΩΩΩ
Prop: Keep a sandal or flip-flop near the phone if you like this prank.
TELEMARKETER: “Hi, I’m calling to inform you of a wonderful opportunity regarding a great deal on a magazine subscription…”
ME: Upon realising it is a telemarketer, engage them lightly. Then put the phone down, or at arms length and yell, “No, no, what do you think you’re doing? How did you get in here? Put the gun down.” Then holding one end of the flip-flop, slam its other end on the edge of a table (bang) and make muffled, groaning sounds into the phone before hanging up.
Enjoy–back with more later, cheers.