#61. Random quotes – ΩΩ
Prop: Have a wad of witty quotes prepared.[i]
TELEMARKETER: “Hello, how would you and a friend like 7 winter nights in tropical Bali for only $99 per person?”
ME: “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
ME: “Corduroy pillows, they’re making headlines.”
TELEMARKETER: “I’m sorry, I’m not following you.”
ME: ‘We are all part of the ultimate statistic, ten out of ten die.”
TELEMARKETER: “Arr yeh puts a dampener on things a little.”
ME:“Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.”
Key: What I like to do is pause between quotes until the telepest resumes their spiel; then give them another piece of sagely advice. Recently a telemarketer asked me to, “Go on, I’m listening.” When I got to, “The word ‘gullible’ isn’t in the dictionary,” he must have taken it as a slight as he hung up on me. How rude :)
Extra: Here are a few more quips: (1.) there are three types of people in the world; i.e., those who can count and those who can’t, (2.) the word ‘gullible’ isn’t in the dictionary, and (3.) if at first you don’t succeed—don’t try skydiving.
Backup plan: If the telemarketer stays on the line, you could finish off with, “I didn’t use to finish sentences, but now I…,” and put the phone aside. Or if you prefer, “Ninety-nine percent of telemarketers give the rest a bad name,” clunk.
[i] Get all the quotes you want here: http://www.quotegarden.com